Worst Performance by a Food Item as Penis
And the Effie goes to... Tums. For protecting people from being Tony Danza'd by their corn dogs.
Worst Performance by a Wallet as a Vulva
The Effie goes to PETA, who gave us this mental image:
Worst Sexual Exploitation of an Elderly Woman
Crosby's Molasses. Take your Effie.
Worst Idea for a Got Milk? Ad Ever
California Milk Processor Board, come and get what you deserve.
Worst Use of a Billboard to Stalk and Harass an Ex-Lover
Greg Fultz, you are a still phenomenal asshole.
Worst Photoshop Abuse of Animals
M-Wrap, of Thailand, come and claim your Effie.
And maybe we should cancel that gala dinner. I think everyone just lost their appetite.
Worst Typo in an Agency Self-Promo During an Awards Show
Grey Group? Grey? Are you here?
Worst Unintentionally Pornographic Street Team
Dr. Pepper, you old dog...
Worst Supporting Role by Teenage Underpants
Purity Panties... how many teen pregnancies and STIs have you prevented so far with these slogans?
Worst Performance by a Sex Doll in a Battery Ad
Gah, Bic! GYAHHHHH!
Worst web site
Ever. By the United States' National Suicide Hotlines.
Poop Trap. Gross.
Worst Pretentious Fashion Ad Porn
There was really stiff competition for this one, but Agent Provocateur nailed it:
Agent Provocateur - 'Fleurs Du Mal' from Epoch London on Vimeo.
And The Lifetime Achievement Effie for Effing Infamous Effed Up Ads Goes to:
Brazilian CD Rodolfo Sampaio, who managed to cause a global shitstorm this year over his unsanctioned "pedo" KIA ads:
Not only did he win a silver at Cannes with this nasty little spread, but he managed to cause a global PR crisis for KIA Motors.
Two years earlier, at DDB, the same CD managed to pull the World Wildlife Federation into a world of hurt with this "award of merit" entry to The One Show:
To be that much of an awards whore, against the forces of taste, good judgement, strategy and client interest takes a truly effed perspective on advertising. I can hardly wait to see what Mr. Sampaio comes up with for 2012.
That's it for our inaugural Effies. Try not to get too fucked up on Saturday night.